Humble Pie

Yeah, I had this big, deep theological thing going on the subject of why good things happen to bad people. No, that's not what this post is about. Why the change? I had some humble pie. And I wanted to share with you how good it is...

I am relatively hard-headed. Just ask... Well, most of the people that know me:-) I never thought much of it. I figured it was "just the way I am." However, after talking to my best friend in the world, I am starting to think (er - I am way past "starting" to think...) that that hardheadedness - while it can be useful sometimes - is a veiled form of pride.

When I talk about myself being hardheaded, I mean this:

Many times, I have a hard time figuring out how what you say is more important than what I am saying. Many times, I feel that what I am saying has been thought out, and is therefore more valid than something that you may say, even if it has been thought out just as much by you. I talk a lot - and if I'm in a group setting, I tend to find it much easier to point out my own views than to accept yours, and honestly, I may leave the group having not learned a thing from anyone else but me.

I have been reading through the book "The Exemplary Husband" by Stuart Scott. In his book, he lists 30 different manifestations of pride. The numbers are changed so they fit more with what I'm describing right now, but the descriptions are directly from his book. Looking at my own life, three stand out more than the others (though I have miniature manifestations of lots of the others):

1. Anger. A proud person is often an angry person. One's anger can include outbursts of anger, withdrawing, pouting, or frustration. A person most often becomes angry because his "rights" or expectations are not being met (Matthew 20:1-16).

2. Being defensive or blame-shifting. You will often hear a proud person say, "Are you saying it's my fault?" or "Well, what about you?" (Genesis 3:12-13; Proverbs 12:1).

3. Voicing preferences or opinions when not asked. A proud person might not be able to keep his preferences or opinions to himself. He will offer it when it is not asked for. These preferences are usually voiced without consideration of others (Philippians 2:1-4).

After pondering the list, those three describe me pretty much to the core. Which is a bad thing. Most people who know me will definitely fit me with #3 right away. I am definitely a very opinionated person - sometimes good, sometimes bad.

If you know me a little better, you'll probably fit me with #2 as well. When you start questioning why I do what I do (for example, why do I voice my preferences or opinions when not asked?), I will probably give a short, non-answer, then start questioning you or point out how - in different ways - you do the same sort of thing.

But if you're really close to me, you'll also fit me with #1. It takes a lot to get me angry, depending on who you are, but the fact is, my being angry is usually because - like the description says - my "rights" or expectations aren't met. I have a very limited idea of what things should happen and how (exactly) they should happen. If they don't happen a certain way, I get angry. I usually either do the withdrawing thing, though growing up, I definitely had the outbursts of anger. I used to hit my brother and sister (I'd love to say, "who doesn't?" but somehow I feel that it would belittle my confession...). Needless to say (hopefully), I don't hit anyone anymore, due to God's working in my life and my father spanking the anger out of me some:-)

That's a lot to read through, so if you made it this far, you either are very interested in my life or didn't have much else to do. Either way, the thing I hope you take away from this post is this: You may not see pride in your life. Most people don't. I was blind up until just recently. And I'm sure I'm still blind to a number of areas in my life where pride lives, waiting to catch me off guard. I pray that you will seriously look into your life and examine one of the hardest vices to catch: Pride. It is the one sin that leads to so many (if not all) others. It is an enabler. To quote the Puritan Thomas Watson, pride is "a spiritual drunkenness; it flies up like wine into the brain and intoxicates it. It is idolatry; a proud man is a self-worshiper."

The answer? Seek to be humble instead of prideful. Seek out pride and kill it. Don't be drunk with it. "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) Don't let the "someone" be you.